I'm Tired and Changing

It's almost Midnight in South Africa,

I just finished purging (sorry to those who don't like it) I came up to my room and started cutting...I don' mean for this to be depressing, but here is how I'm feeling:

-physically tired

-emotionally tired

-angry

-sad

-irritated

-weak

-disappointed

-motivated

-determined

I have finally reached breaking point, the part where I don't care what the HELL anyone thinks, not my boyfriend ,not my friends, not my family, just o one except anyone willing to hear me out!?

I'm tired of constantly thinking of food, of weighing, of counting calories, of just being alive now and again, feeling fat and ugly is tiring, HEAR THAT WORLD?? It's Tiring!

I'm tired of pretending, so next time my boyfriend tells me to eat, I'll say no straight to his face, because ANA and MIA are with me, they want what's best for me, and you want me according to your standards! And your standards don't fit into my size jeans!

I will fast because I enjoy feeling empty, I'll eat when I absolutely HAVE to, but you won't stop me anymore!

I'm tired and I'm changing.