Last night I can honestly say was the closest I have ever been to suicide in my whole life,
I broke down completely, just nothing seemed worth living for any more, I had rationalised that everyone would be fine and capable to go on without me and that I was just another breath in the air,
The thing is that I have been collecting pills for over 2 years now, 1 box filled with anything from sleeping pills to painkillers, right through to caffeine tablets.That was my safety net, my way out. And when I couldn't handle it any more I got into my car, took that box with me and went over to my Boyfriends house, he asked me last week to start seeing a psychologist because he can see that I'm depressed.
So I thought he'd be able to help, and just seeing him makes me smile so hard I can't get that smirk off my face for hours.
We got into my car, he drove me to the lake and next moment he throws the box into the water screaming 'Take that mofo' and takes my hand, I just couldn't believe how easy it was for him to throw it out and that it took me 2 years to give it to him, I just feel like this huge weight was lifted yesterday, I can breathe easier today, smile a bit without pretending,
Yeah so I cut and I'm still fasting but I'm going to try to stop, I want to be okay again, I want to be perfect for him, he deserves nothing less, I want to spend my life with that man, my green eyed hero.
Relief exists.
Who Am I
- ToWriteLoveOnHerArms
- 21 Years Old, Female, Boyfriend Attached To The Hip, The Hip I Want To Jut Out And Fit In Perfectly With My Matching Collar Bones and Skintight Legs, While Taking Away Attention To My Beautiful Red Lines Scattered Across My Arms Like Ladders, Snakes Roam There, They Roam In My Mind, and Tell Me I'm Insane and I Have A Death Wish. But That's Just Me, I'm One of Millions Sharing A Piece Of My Story.
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